The five second rule does not apply to grief.
1. This scene from a Chipotle horror movie.
It’s like dropping your newborn baby.
2. This frozen tragedy.
I scream. You scream. We all grieve for ice cream.
3. This donut disaster.
From our hands into the mouth of god.
4. These helpless french fries.
“Please take us back to McDonald’s, it’s much nicer there.”
5. This cheesy huddling mass.
Cement is the obviously the best topping.
6. This pasta predicament.
Perhaps one of the only things you’d eat off someone’s feet.
7. This eggmergency.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men kneeled and wept.
8. This cheese stick who’s just trying to get home.
Won’t someone please reunite him with his family?
9. The Great Breakfast Massacre of 2014
10. This early morning nightmare.
There’s nothing cheery about this at all.
11. This pretzel catastrophe.
Why do they smush the things we love?
12. The slices who never made it to the penthouse suite.
Will this elevator take them up to heaven?
13. These butchered brownies.
Hmmm. Here are the double chocolate brownies I took so much care in making. #5SecondRule
14. The chilly fate of this treat.
Sundae bloody sundae.
15. This wilting pie.
So this was the first thing I saw today… foreshadowing? #piefromthesky #fivesecondrule
16. This lollipop’s undignified grave.
Poor sucker, we barely knew ye.
17. This attack on a childhood staple.
Mourning you until we join you.
18. This orphaned peep.
Who let her out into the big bad world all alone?
19. This cruel abandonment.
#donutastrophe -I offered to adopt them & nurse them back to health but @Collectingcandy stopped me. #5secondrule
20. These tortured taquitos.
A layer of guac isn’t the worst final resting place.
21. This fruity carnage.
Bet this dude was feeling really meloncholy afterwards.
22. These suffering ice cream sandwiches.
They never stood a chance.
23. These unloved Munchkins.
These little guys need a hole lotta love.
24. The dreadful destiny of this fried meat.
This is the second worst thing to happen to this chicken.
25. This cookie calamity.
You can sweep those right into the gates of heaven.
26. These miserable paninis.
D’OH! Gay Conservatives BLAST Kathy Griffin for narrative singling them out in census (she deleted her tweet!)
Only a Leftist like Kathy Griffin would be angry that people can’t be ‘counted’ by …