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Iowahawk for president!

http://twitter.com/#!/iowahawkblog/status/182136691828596736

Iowahawk wants to be your next Leader of the Free World. And as you’re probably well aware by now, we here at Twitchy have quite the crush on this evil genius. But, bias notwithstanding, we can’t deny the man’s got a rock-solid platform:

Latest exit polls: I've got at least 3 votes in the Illinois primary. #Iowahawk2012 #TakeThatHuntsman #AmericasMarginofError

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

After voting for me today, enjoy the rich flavor of Marlboro® brand cigarettes, wherever fine tobacco is sold. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

My plan to save Social Security: free tequila and jet skis for America's seniors. #Iowahawk2012 #getonthebandwagon

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

I would be completely horrible at managing the American economy. So I won't. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

The climate science is settled. That's why I won't spend any more for it. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

I will only bow to foreign dictators when checking if they're still conscious. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

My wife doesn't give a crap what you eat. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

When private companies come asking for goverment investment, the only lever I'll pull is the trap door. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

Want a student loan? Get your college to co-sign. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

I will send the US Postal Service pink slips – via FedEx. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

The only thing I want named after me is the Dave Burge National Amtrak Scrapyard. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

Instead of machine guns, I will send my presidential fleet of '64 Chevys to Mexico for bitchin' tuck & roll upholstery. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

I will legalize pot and light bulbs, and ban AutoTune. #Iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

My plan to solve the Illinois debt crisis: Mrs. O'Leary's Cow II. #iowahawk2012

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 20, 2012

Honesty is a rare commodity in politics today. And you won’t find a face more honest than Iowahawk’s.

So what say you, America? Can David Burge count on your vote?

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/03/20/iowahawk-for-president/

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